Umpires Are Assassins


The war cry of the guy behind the guy behind the plate. Controlling and calculating, umpires are the deadliest people on a baseball field. Home plate umps are the worst offenders, so they have to hide their identities behind caged masks.

A finger gun is used to pick the next victim. This is the “strike” signal.

Photo taken by flickr user randomduck (flickr) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons

After choosing a victim, the umpire calls a “strikeout” by starting an imaginary chainsaw.

Photo by Bob Levey/Getty Images

Sometimes, victims attempt to escape. Umpires put a swift end to this tomfoolery by spreading their wingspan as wide as possible to appear larger and more imposing. The victims are fooled into thinking they are “safe” for the time being…

Round Rock - Sacramento Baseball

Once the umpire can no longer control their urges, they pounce.